I love the wise words given by Elder Oaks "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatible, but selfishness."  My parents divorced when I was twelve. They were not active in church and didn't live gospel standards.  Now that I'm older, I can clearly see the issues that contributed to their demise. Had both parties been able to repent of their shortcomings, their marriage could have been saved. To this day, my dad is still in love with my mom. It's a sad thing to see that the love was there, but the willingness to overcome was not. Selfishness is also a large contributor to divorce. We live in a society that puts self first. I think it's important to teach our youth the importance of being unselfish.  Not only is being unselfish a more pure way to live, it is also a key factor in a happy and strong marriages. I can think back to when I was first married, 17 years ago,and can fully admit that I was selfish. I had never had to think very far beyond what my own wants and needs were, and now suddenly I had someone else's feelings to take into consideration.  It was a learning process for both my husband and I, and I think if we would not have overcome our selfishness, our marriage would have fallen flat.  

 

Coming from a broken home, I could relate to many of the effects that divorce has on children as discussed in the article written by Amato. As a youth, I suffered from a low self esteem and I believe that my parent's divorce contributed to this. I didn't feel secure in my home life.  After my parents divorced, my mom was left a single mother with four young children to support. Although she did the best that she could, given the situation, we experienced some suffering as children. Most days we came home to an empty house without someone there to guide and direct the home.  Being the oldest child, a lot of the responsibility landed upon my head, and fighting and discord were very common in our house. We also struggled financially as my mother tried her best to replace what was once a two income household, with one. On the flip side of the situation, divorce is not the end.  I would not classify my childhood as terrible, or undesirable. I was able to learn many great and beneficial lessons, that I've been able to teach my children and have used to better myself. Amato said "Regardless of family structure, the quality of parenting is one of the best predictors of children's emotional and social well-being." I loved this thought!  This is why my parent's divorce did not wreck me.  They loved me and it showed through their parenting. My family structure was not ideal, but the love that I felt through how my parents parented me, provided me with the "emotional and social well being" that I needed.