As we study the Book of Mormon, there is a common cycle that can be found throughout the book. The people will experience a period of happiness, peace and fulfillment. This happiness stems from following God and living a Christ centered life.  Life seems to be going great and then prides gets in the way.  Instead of leaning on the understanding of the Lord, they harden their hearts and believe that they know what is best.  The flourishing era that they have experienced is no longer attributed to the good hand of the Lord. Instead, it is replaced with feelings of "I did this myself" and "because of my wonderful actions, I have created this great life." Hearts become puffed up, care and natural affection are lost, and most of the time the choices that soon follow draw the person away from following the council of the Lord. In some cases, this lifestyle has been followed for many years before the repercussions surface, but as we have been taught for every choice, there is a consequence. The consequence we most often see in the Book of Mormon, when pride has become the way of life, is through drought, famine, wars, unrighteous dominion and suffering. Usually the people get it together enough to realize the error of their ways, and decide that they need the Lord again in their life.  They ask for forgiveness, humble themselves, and turn their hearts to the Lord once again.  And then the cycle starts over.

 I use this example because I wonder if you have ever seen this pattern in your marriage.  When we first get married, life seems blissful right?  We're madly in love and want to do everything right by our spouse, until we have that first argument. We decide that being right is more important than hearing what our spouse has to say, or we're just going to ignore them until some sense comes back to them.  Or maybe you’re the type that only thinks about your own needs, tries to manipulate, or holds a grudge even when an apology has been rendered. These actions pull us away from our spouse, and instead of enjoying the blissful marriage that was once felt, we have now fallen victim to pride.  If cycle is not abandoned, a marriage will suffer, personal confidence will weaken, and a relationship with the Lord will surely be affected.  Acting in this manner is not God’s will for us. He doesn’t want us to pit ourselves against our spouse.  He expects us to bind together with our spouse, and become one, not work against each other.  President Benson gives this definition of pride “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” He goes on to say that this “is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.” By behaving this way, we have forced the Lord out of our relationship, and have invited the adversary in instead. A marriage cannot flourish under these circumstances.

Brother Goddard explains that as natural men (or women) we are “inclined to love self and fix others.”  In other words, we can be selfish by nature and view others as the flawed individual in need of the “fixing”. Goddard goes on to explain that Heavenly Father asks us to do the opposite. “We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love them.” This is how we can break the cycle.  We must constantly be mindful of our actions and how they affect others.  We must be very aware of pride and the toll it can take on our lives. Brother Goddard believes that the only cure to the sin of pride and self-centeredness is to “turn to God in faith and repentance.”I know that as we look for ways to fix ourselves and focus less on how to fix our spouse, and as we make repentance our second companion, we will experience the “madly in love feelings” throughout our entire marriage.  As we look to put off pride and invite the Lord into our lives and marriages, we will save ourselves from a great deal of grief and pain. Marriage can be blissful, but it requires our full effort and the hand of the Lord. We must seek to be as Alma when he said “Blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble” (Alma 32:16). I believe the blessings of being humble will most readily be seen through the strength of our marriage.